(SUE’S DIARY) – HOW DID I GET HERE?

Suzan writes…

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Really how did I get here?…
Today, I woke in my small self-contained apartment and I felt so tired. My bones felt weak, I wished it was a physical pain; I could just swallow a painkiller and be fine but it wasn’t. It was deeper.
The day was already laid out for me – shower, walk to school, read or cram ( whichever works faster) for a course you just know within your heart you dislike.
Then, I begin to ask myself – How did I get here?
How did I get to hate my living? I am still budding, I am supposed to be fresh and full of energy and yet my bones feel weak.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the fact that I have a whole apartment to myself. I love the privacy. I love I am not in my parent’s house doing absolutely nothing. I am a student of a university in Nigeria, a university of technology for that matter. if you’re a Nigerian, you’d understand the struggle of finally being an undergraduate.(Its not easy!)
However after all said and done, I feel empty. I study my courses each day and I still feel I don’t belong here. Most times, it feels like running through a familiar path and yet you just can’t shake the feeling that you’re lost. Its a complicated illustration but really….that’s how I feel.
How did I get here?
I love writing, I am artistic. My whole brain breaths art. Arts speak to me in a way I can’t verbally explain.
I sit alone and I’m thinking of a story to type on my phone. I see a painting or photograph or a graffiti and I feel an awakening in my fingers that I need to write something down. I watch two women cleaning a lecture theatre and I already have a story hanging in my head about strong unnoticed African women.
I just want to write and read then keep writing and reading all over again!
I know what I want.
I wish I knew what I wanted few years back. When everything was still simple, when all I had to do was pick a choice.
However, I chose wrongly and now my action is a regret.
You want to know how I made a wrong choice? Ahah! That’s a story for another day.
My point exactly?  Don’t ever doubt your passion. Don’t ever ignore your talent or gift. Make your passion your profession and you’ll love your life.
Happiness starts when you’re true to yourself.
Don’t just live your life, love your life.
I am finally learning this. I hope it’s not too late for me.

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5 thoughts on “(SUE’S DIARY) – HOW DID I GET HERE?

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  1. I can relate with this. Your musings are good, the sort of mental wandering that puts one on the path of self-discovery and defines their existence.

    Don’t underestimate yourself, you can do more than one thing, all at once. Your writing is a gift, it will not go away. You can write and do anything else that you set your mind to do. One day at a time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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