I hate comfort zone.
But it’s so comfortable.
But it is a curse in a disguise of contentment.
I don’t want to remain at one point for the rest of my life, no natter how comfortable it feels. I don’t want to settle.
This is one of my biggest fears by the way, living a settled life. I don’t want to look back at these stages of my life and regret that I didn’t fight for a life that I wanted.
I don’t know if it is just me but there are many times I wish I wasn’t just a “struggling student” who wishes to become a published author but is presently stuck in a university on strike studying a random course. I don’t want my story to end there.
It sucks to be in one spot.
But I can’t keep being a bay about it, I have to do something.
So a suggestion came to me on the wings of a new friend, saying I should consider studying abroad. Starting a new course – the one I truly love – English / creative writing.
That’d be starting all over again in a foreign country.
It is huge. And I don’t know why it scares me so much. I am still swallowed in it’s deep thoughts and my mind is torn.
It might take everything I have got right now; the whole process of applying to schools, applying for visa, applying for scholarships, preparing for exams…..
But I thought about the end process, being taught to become a better creative writer, meeting new people who are in the same oath as I am, creating new opportunities for me, publicly submitting my work for critical assessment from professors and students, getting better at being a writer…
Isn’t that a dream?
Then another voice came to me and said why leave your home to be a writer instead of staying here and making a name for yourself? What if you leave and life there is not totally what you have imagined?
And I became torn.
I feel like I am not moving forward right now because I’ve been stuck in the same place for a long time. There aren’t enough opportunities for me here, I know that but what if I leave and there isn’t anything to show for it?
Or I don’t even get to be chosen for a scholarship and I lose on both sides?
If there was ever a time I needed to talk to my future self, it is now. I really do need a consultation because…